


pain

by orphan_account



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Mild Sexual Content, Other, Reader-Insert, god this is going to be cringey, imagine the fic you're reading and one texts this to the other, ouch this hurt my feelings, writing angst is fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: two friends, except their flirty banter and tendencies get the best of them. one confesses. confusion and heartache ensues. lowercase intended. written in first person. don't clown me for it being shit i know this is experimental and self-indulgent.





	1. hey,

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god this is probably going to look awful because i'm doing this on my phone and i don't understand formatting. also my first work, so i appreciate constructive criticism. this is written as if they were talking on snapchat so enjoy !!

oh. _my. god._

i seriously could not believe i was doing this. contemplating for days and finally coming to the conclusion

"i have to, i can't deal with this anymore." i said out loud.

i opened my notes app, i was not going to let them see me typing for so long, i already have so much anxiety about this. 

_"hey i think i'm finally ready to tell you this but, i love you. in a simpy, 'oh my god i love you', type of way. i know it's a shit thing to say over text but i can't face you. i've known you for so long and of course i love you in a platonic way but. this is newer, i've never felt so weird about something like this before.you've been there for me forever, letting me vent, us joking stupidly at dumb things and laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. but i slowly fell in love with you. and man, does this suck. pining for you, i mean. and i understand if this makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to even acknowledge this if you want to but i needed to let you know. i'm sorry."_

well, some of it wasn't true. i didn't really know what to say. how do you confess to your _best friend_ you love them? and if they don't reciprocate? what? is the relationship ruined? do you push down those feelings and snuff them out. or do you pine and yearn for them? god this was all so confusing.

finally the adrenaline kicked in

_fuck it_

i copied the note and pasted it in snapchat. i typed a little so they would get the notification and then,

_i pressed the send button_

i watched as the feelings i poured out were whisked away and now, they can see exactly how i feel about them.

i couldn't bear it, i turned on _do not disturb_ and closed my eyes.

_i already feel like shit, let's listen to some sad music_

i turned on my basic playlist of sad songs on my laptops, well not sad just really heart wrenching.

i was listening to the playlist for what felt like hours. until i finally decided to flip my phone up, turn off _do not disturb,_ and check snapchat. 

i was not prepared for what i read.


	2. answer me

_"can you call me?"_

_um, what? i was only expecting a well written rejection paragraph, not having to actually speak._

i double-tapped the home button and went to the phone app. i clicked their contact and the phone started ringing. i wondered what their ringtone was, maybe the had a specific one for me. and with that thought the tips of my ears started heating up. focused on calming down they picked up.

they spoke first.

"so, well, i read what you sent me. is that really how you feel? did you mean that?" 

_fuck, fuck, fuck._

i started speaking at a quiet tone but gradually becoming more confident.

"yeah, i do love you. as a best friend and as my partner. platonically and romantically. i'm sorry i texted you that it was probably so overwhelming and unexpected but i can't keep bottling up these feelings. i genuinely, seriously, love you."

_silence, i fucked up._

"you're such an ass, how could you tell me over text??"

the hint of a laugh rolled off their tongue with the words.

_was i in the clear?_

i chuckled before speaking again.

"so what does this mean? i understand if you don't want to speak about this or are uncomfortable. i wouldn't mind staying friends but i understand if you don't want to." 

_great i just rambled_

my thoughts we cut off my a voice coming from the other end of the call.

"i don't know, i've liked you as a friend for forever, basically." 

i could hear the smile from the other end but it slowly lessened.

"fuck i don't know. i'm going to be honest. i've thought of being more than friends with you but i don't know." 

my anxiety was slowly creeping up my neck as my heart beat faster.

"i've thought about kissing you, holding your hand, making out, and, other things..." 

they trailed off, and i could envision their red cheeks

"god you make me so conflicted. i want to be able to tell you that i love you romantically and we should be together but i'm not sure. i'm sorry. i think we should spent a little time away from each other. so at least i can figure this shit out." 

_fuck, i'm just going to go for it_

"i wasn't going to say anything but, i don't care anymore. if i were with you i would straddle you and kiss you so hard and so much that your lips go numb." 

i trailed off the b to numb before i smiled into the phone. god i was desperate but they needed to know.

"i-i have to go. um i'll text you later" 

before i could say anything they hung up and screen turned off. i couldn't get it out of my head. kissing them, wrapping my legs around them and pulling on their sweater so are faces are inches apart. their face heating up as i stare into their eyes lustfully.

_goddamnit_

i shook my head, god it was getting hot in here and these thoughts weren't helping. i remembered what they said 

"i've thought about kissing you, holding your hand, making out, and, other things..." 

those, other things, they meant. did they mean they've thought about fucking me? 

i ran my fingers through my hair. every thought racing through my head more sexual than the last. fuck i didn't want to think like this but damn.

i snatched my phone up and put on a playlist

_"oldies"_

maybe i could calm myself down by listening to these. and before i knew it. i was fast asleep, my brain still muddled with thoughts but calmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god. this chapter was so much fun to write. this is definitely going to be the self-indulgence fic for a while. i thought i only wanted to write like two paragraphs but this is nice. these characters and gender less so feel free to insert your favorite ship or even make up new characters. i just love this writing style. also hope this makes up for the cliffhanger i left it at last time.


	3. my brain is mush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i re-read this? cringe. im so bad at writing take this as, “oh my god im desperate to make this better but also still reflect the characters” also sending myself to jail for this one.

i stood up

_why did i say that?_

_i_ _cant believe they heard all the lust in my voice as i wanted to kiss them so hard their lips went numb. what the fuck is wrong with me?_

i slapped my hand on my forehead and re-read my text, critiquing every word and how they might have interpreted it.

i also thought of what they said.

_they didnt mean that right?_

my head fogged as i thought of them, thinking about what they said.

”i've thought about kissing you, holding your hand, making out, and, other things...“

_the way they worded that, did they mean?_

my thoughts cut off as i imagined them laying in their bed touching themselves thinking about us fucking each other.

_shit, shit_

and before i could stop myself i felt my underwear begin to stick in between my legs. 

_fuck, really? right now? today? about this person?_

i whipped open my computer, opening and incognito tab and opening my favorite fanfiction site.

_it was better if i thought about other people when i did this_

lets just say i woke up with sticky sheets and took a shower. i hated it but i loved it.

**Author's Note:**

> cliff-hangar uh oh !! i really hope you liked this. not gonna lie this is really just self-indulgence so LOL but it made sense considering what i'm reading. i'll finish the next chapter soon, maybe tomorrow i'm a fan of this hehe


End file.
